Always The Plush Chair in The Room

Lately, I'm feeling like the somewhat well upholstered, plush chair in the room - seemingly subtle, yet definitely noticed.  Work has caught up with me and so have the stress and my stress eating ways.  I'm feeling a little whiney today so just warning you now.  It's sort a of a pity party for one over here.

I tried doing protein bars and one healthy meal a day... yeah that was great until I gave up cocktails in the same sentence.  Work brought on the drinking. The idea of not having a cocktail to socialize with others was unheard of at market considering I am still learning the ins and outs of our corporate group.  I should have ordered soda and a lime to disguise my drinks but yeah.. I also needed the quick numbing of vodka to take off the stress of the day.  My shoulders are tensing thinking about it. No bueno.

So yeah work went off the charts, celebrated my one year anniversary with Mtn Man only to get into a heated convo about the future then later on in my drunken stooper see on the book of faces that my ex had gotten engaged. Damn you Facebook for showing when friends like someone's photos or comment on them.  Keep that shit locked down.  No one wants to really wants to know that much about what's going on in other peoples lives.  And this is why I hate Facebook.  It's not even that he got engaged it's more that it struck a nerve in me and for a split second I cared.  Someone pass the wine......

I've made my mind up to get back on the health wagon this week.  Protein for breakfast, salad for lunch and off to the gym with my sister this afternoon.  We'll see how long I last on this wagon this time.  I will forever envy the sticks in the room that barely try to be thin, but just "are". I will always have to fight this battle.  And at this point? I'm slowly starting to avoid social situations because I don't like what I look like.  This can't be good.

Wanna be Bar Stool Goes to Crossfit: Oh the Aches and Pains

On my latest venture to look more like a bar stool, I started Crossfit. Yep. I bit the bullet and went with Mtn Man, my love, to Crossfit last night. To say I hurt, well, that's a complete understatement. I now know what it feels like to carry giant water jugs connected to a pole on your shoulders like the women in foreign countries. I have the marks on my back to prove it. But I continue to remind myself that it's all a work in progress. As we approach the end of our fourth week of the new diet, I am still confident that we are on a great path.  And the picture above? Yeah, so true. I'm noticing small changes but no one else is and I'm cool with that. If I was doing this for anyone else, I'd never do it.  So here's to 8 more weeks of diligence to show the world I mean business. 


Crossfit was awful, but a good awful.   Having Mtn Man there to endure the workout with me was a huge help and of course, gave me someone to blame for all my pain today.   Lord help me tomorrow, because we are going back for more tonight.  But despite all of the moaning and groaning, I'm completely inspired by the transformation I see in my future.  I want to be a bad ass. I want to be a strong woman with crazy hot arms and stomach. I'll get there... just might take me a while.

Insert cheesy jokes here... but first man I've had that WANTED to workout together. 

He's a keeper.

I also made the decision to take a picture of myself at workout 1 of crossfit and then again when I've done 50 workouts.  And excuse me while I wait to post the first picture until I get to the end because that picture was NOT pretty.  It's motivation, but personal motivation not to be shared with the world just yet. Until then, I'm headed to California next week for a global sales meeting with work.  I am going to miss a full week of crossfit at the gym, but I'm going to test out hotel room crossfit workouts I've found online.  Hope my neighbors don't mind all the noise!

Thin and now...

So what is it about us that makes us completely uncomfortable in our own skin?  What is it that drives us to feel not skinny enough when we are definitely not overweight and yet we feel the same way when we are overweight?  Why do we continue to beat ourselves up? It's all a harsh cycle that we seem to continue on without resolve.

Since starting the diet process again, I'm celebrating small victories like my shorts from last summer buttoning without cutting off circulation.  They don't look cute on me yet, but at least they button now.  I tried them on before our trip to the keys and they wouldn't button!  So yay me.  But still this morning I'm looking at old pictures of when I thought I was "fat".  This is me during my "trying to find myself again" phase while going through divorce.  My stomach full of ulcers and not able to keep much food down... but I still thought I was heavy. I WISH I had that body again..

Yeah, it's always that same mindset with me... not appreciating what I look like then looking back when I'm larger and thinking I was an idiot. I'm tired of being that idiot. So, as week 3 of the new diet slowly comes to a close, I am going to continue to celebrate the little things and remind myself that I only have control of today. Today will be a good day. I'll worry about tomorrow when I get there.

Day 4: I Wanted to Throat Punch a Girl

 

I feel this way often...

 

So, it's day 4 of the diet.  I am alive. I am not hungry.  I am having a little food envy as I stare at the gourmet pizza that was delivered to our showroom for lunch, but God bless our super skinny receptionist for ordering a giant salad with it.  Thankfully, I know that the pizza will get me nowhere and I am resisting.  It's funny to me that I work in the fashion industry where all I ever see are stick people  and yet we order pizza and bbq during market for our customers. What?  Do the bar stools just drink water and eat salad?! I swear at breakfast, I watched as the girl beside me ate bisquits and gravy while I had some cottage cheese with blueberries.  I wanted to throat punch her. 

 

 

Traveling while dieting is definitely proving to be a little harder than anticipated.  I think that's true of any diet, but with me I travel for work constant so more prep is in order for the future.  Yesterday was a particularly stressful day, so I made myself at home at the gym for a nice workout and then took advantage of room service. The life of a salesman...

 

I will say, my mind set is changing though.  Instead of looking at my plush chair of a body with disgust, I'm saying to myself that it's temporary.  That my bar stool body is in my future. It's the debate of it being in my near future or not, but itt's definitely in my future. I'm happy to be in a place that I can say that. 

 

I finish up at the Dallas Market Sunday.. then home to wash, repack and out the door I go again Monday.  Next stop? New York, New York. God bless my job.

A Well-Upholstered Chair with Dreams of Being a Bar Stool

Well-upholstered: Overweight, obese, tubby. May refer to a man or woman. A person who would qualify as a hippo could be refered to as being "well upholstered." - Urban Dictionary

As I begin to venture on yet another weight loss journey, I have decided to try to find a little humor in the situation.  Dieting is never something anyone looks forward to, but it's something we must do when we find ourselves no longer a bar stool in the room, but a very well-upholstered chair.  Despite the comfort of the plush, well-upholstered chair, in actuality, the bar stool is the optimal choice when in social settings. 

And while the bar stool seems to be the more optimal choice in our society, it is not always the best choice. Some of us are not meant to be bar stools in life. And I'm one of them. Maybe a stool with a plush cushion, maybe that's more me? We'll see. Whatever chair silhouette or figure I end up with when this journey ends, the most important thing for me is to be happy with myself and who I am as a person. 

So what's the plan of attack? The Zone Diet.  Yeah. I can't say that grocery shopping and attempting to eat today hasn't given me severe anxiety with a side of heartburn.  The boyfriend aka Mountain Man suggested this diet since it was one he had done in the past with great success.  Overjoyed to have a partner in crime happy to take on this transformation, I agreed without thought.  It's hard dieting alone. Boo on that! 

The Zone Diet, and don't quote me as I am still learning how it works, has you eating in blocks.  Blocks of carbs, protein, and fat.  I've never had a diet that broke food down this way and thinking of a fruit as a carb because of the sugar is totally backasswards after being on other diets that pushed as many veggies and fruits as one could eat.  My main concern with this diet is really the fact that I travel so much for work.  My fear is that I'm going to end up taking 30 minutes to figure out what to eat because I have limited options.  And what about those catered meals or conferences?!?! I'll be the weird girl in the corner nibbling on weird combinations of food trying to adhere to the diet plan. Bring on the anxiety...

But to be honest, anxiety or not, this is the best thing for me right now.  Who doesn't want a boost of self-confidence? Truth is I lost a ton of weight the not so healthy way, divorce does that to ya.  Thankfully, I found myself again and now I've found someone that has shown me how to truly love again.  Of course, you know the saying, "Fat and happy!"  Yeah, that's me.. fell in love, got comfortable and the weight snuck back in.  I would never trade the happiness I've found, but the "fat" side of the saying needs to go.

So, here I am. Day one.  Looking at myself in the mirror all I can think is at least I'm a lovely well-upholstered chair that isn't an eyesore in the room.  I'm plush and covered in great fabric and no one can beat my feet.  I always have the best decorated feet.